Mamas,
I can't begin to communicate how deeply wonderful it has been to read all your comments and your introductions. I knew that by bringing our own mothers into this conversation I was touching a subject that would be received in many ways. Thank you for being honest, opening up, and sharing. It's what helps us grow- the heartbreak and the healing.
I really love that we can take the risk of opening ourselves up to "strangers" (trust me, I know all of you and you are all phenomenal- take my word for it!) and feeling safe to be honest. I was reading a blog that I follow by Ann Voskamp and immediately wanted to share it with all of you. I got so excited that I had a community of women who will walk this whole self-reflective, exhausting, humbling, thrilling, exciting, tedious journey of motherhood with me. In a word, thank you- for showing up; for reading; for commenting; for praying; for laughing; for tearing-up with "friends". That's what we are now ladies- friends. I count all of you as such and hope you find kindred spirits here.
Just because I'm post happy does not mean that you can't at any time go back and comment on other posts. I will continue to check in on all of them and upload any incoming comments. For any post, the comment section will not close. :)
Question #2: (Let's lighten things up a bit) Sleep. How do we get it? How do we help our kids get it? Go wherever you want with this one! :)
Love you all!
Sarah
Against my better sense I introduced a fan into both my ladies' rooms. They both sleep extremely well with a fan drowning out all the background noise. I started this because my oldest was only 18 months old when we brought our second baby home and she had all sorts of problems. Most of which left her crying at all hours. The fan nicely covered up her crying so my other would still sleep wonderfully through the night. The only problem with this is I've had to invest in travel size fans so that we bring them with us where ever we go. :(
ReplyDeleteSleep, what sleep! Ha. I am up and at work by 6:30 every day. With my second, Anna I only had a 6 week maternity leave and was still Breastfeeding when I went back to work. Needless to say I was and still am sleep deprived. I had to learn to rely on my husband and be okay with waking him up when Anna cried (he claimed he never heard her through the monitor). I had to let go of the control and the wonderful feeling I got when I cuddled her at 2am in the morning. While the feeling of bonding with her at that time of night was priceless at the time I also had to step back and realize if I did not get the sleep I needed at that time I would not be the mom I wanted to be when I got home from work.
ReplyDeleteWe finally at 11 months for Gabe (my oldest) and 6 or 7 months for Anna (my youngest) had to let them cry it out. I had the support and push from my husband who always reassured me that it was the right thing to do. While the 5 nights of them screaming for Mom and Dad were heartbreaking, I realized quickly that sleeping through the night was better for child and mommy.
I established a bedtime routine at very young ages with my kiddos. The knew that certain things happen at bedtime and if they pushed for more ( another song, or book, or even cuddle)the answer was no. Now that they are older we have freedom of being flexible and we can read one more book or sing one more song and it is very special for them to get that at night. STRUCTURE at bedtime was key with my kids. ( and both of mine have fans in their room to!)
I am blessed beyond blessings with good sleepers. I'm not sure if I trained them to be so or they just innately are. Whatever happened to get two infants on a sleeping schedule and sleeping through the night at 5 months, I say a little prayer of thanks.
ReplyDeleteOf course, the first 3-4 months were ROUGH. Neither my husband or I were getting sleep. With 2 infants, the only way we could figure out how to feed them was to both get up, each taking a baby. I've since met mothers of twins who tell me they and they're partners switched off feedings so the mother would get a good 4-5 hour stretch of sleep. AMAZING! We never thought of that. We went into that first week with the plan of: "one up; both up" (which was our motto for the babies, but stood to be true for the parents, too).
Right around 3 months I decided to start sleep training. I got room darkening shades. I downloaded a "white noise" playlist. I got really good at swaddling. I watched for sleepy cues and put them down then. I swear by these techniques. Babies started sleeping longer stretches. They were happy when they were awake. Momma was happy to go down to 2 then 1 then no middle of the night feedings. I tell those tips to all new moms I meet. But you can't expect it out of newborns. Those little buggers just need to EAT all the time.
I used to LOVE to nap. I did it all the time before the babies. I napped all weekend practically. And of course I was on bedrest for 9 weeks before they were born, so I napped for a good chunk of my pregnancy. But now, I can't nap. I don't even try. I think I need downtime in a different way. I use their naptime to bake, plan meals, play on the computer, do a few chores, have a cup of coffee, etc. I wish I could nap. But that nagging work just gets in the way!
I have three kids Tristyn 7, Addalyn and Isabella 8 months. My son Tristyn would not sleep through the night tell he was 6 months. I tried noise machines, fans and music nothing worked. Then at 6 months he slept and was taking two three hour naps and sleep tell 8 or 9 in the morning. We did the cry it out method. It was not easy but it does work!! He still loves to sleep. I would take 6 months of no sleep to have what I have now!!
ReplyDeleteThen when the girls arrived I was nursing both and by the time I was done changing them it was time to start over. We had waited so long for them so I was ready for no sleep. I was sleeping in 15min shifts. I thought I was doing great but then started not being able to stay awake for anything. I didn't want to share any of the responsibility cuz I didn't want to miss anything. My husband travels a lot also so it was hard to have help when he was home because I didn't want to get use to help when it wasn't available all the time. Kinda weird thinking but it made sense at the time!
We started putting the girls in their own cribs right away at night. Then at naps they are in seperate rooms. They have music on at naps but nothing at night. It seems to help when there is a nap routine and then a different routine at night. They both take 2-3 hour naps 2 times a day and sleep all night tell 7-8 in the morning. It could change any day but for now it is what works for us!!
Sleep has been our BIGGEST issue with Gemma. Because we had some health issues early on with her, she had to sleep in a danny sling and on an elevated surface. So, she was strapped down, unable to move, and HAD to be in her crib. The reflux did cause great discomfort later and we ended up doing whatever it took to get all of us sleep. Once she had been up 9-10 times at night, I finally gave in some nights and brought her to bed with us. If I could hold her upright a bit and snuggle her, she seemed to do better but I didn't sleep as well. Had I started out attachment parenting (co-sleeping/bed sharing) with her, I think things would have been fine but since that wasn't an option, her sleep has ALWAYS been interrupted. She would be up multiple times at night and then like a switch went off, start sleeping through the night again. At 9.5 months, after two straight weeks of nightwakings- 8-10 times a night minimum, I finally lost it and we let her cry it out. Thank goodness my mom and dad took her for two nights. Listening to her cry was like a cheese grater on my fingernails. I can't express the anxiety and tension listening to her cry created.
ReplyDeleteWe were told for the entirety of her first 7-9 months to NOT let her get really worked up. It would aggravate the reflux, potentially cause her to aspirate (which she was already doing) thus making it impossible for her to sleep. So, I am not used to her screaming; I'm worried about her vomiting, I'm concerned about her reflux not being entirely better. She seemed ready to cry it out at 9.5 months and it took about 5 nights for her to go down easily and sleep through the night. It was and is a great change for our family.
I do feel like I missed out a bit on parenting her in an attachment method. I wish I had learned about/thought about doing bed-sharing earlier. I think she wouldn't have the sleep issues she has now if we had done that. I would have to lay down with her for naps, though and that's unrealistic for daycare and once I go back to work. That being said, we are having a bear of a time with naps.
My biggest struggle is that she is SO inconsistent. For two weeks, she'll sleep an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon and then she'll sleep 15 minutes (if she even sleeps-maybe she's just quiet) in the morning and cry for an hour and a half and then take an hour and a half afternoon nap. I can't figure it out. I've tried EVERYTHING-EVERYTHING!!!!!
She has always had some sort of white noise in her room- a machine, a fan, the air conditioner. Abe sleeps with a fan so I've gotten used to it too. She is no longer in the Danny Sling or using the bed wedge and I'm weaning her off of her reflux med. I've become a crazed nap mama and I am quite housebound trying to get her to nap at the appropriate times. I am at my wits end so I just keep trying to get her down in the morning- it either seems too late, or too early. Either way, she cries and cries and doesn't sleep. I wish that someone could just come fix it. I feel like I'm doing damage to her because I'm not getting her the sleep she needs. On top of all that, she goes to bed super early (since she's freakishly exhausted from lack of naps) and gets up ridiculously early also- like 445am!!!!
Anyone have any suggestions or experience with this? I hope that once we go to 1 nap only, she'll be better but in the meantime, I can't figure this out. I'm absolutley OUT OF IDEAS. I can't seem to get her to sleep. She'll cry in her crib for the entirety of her nap in the morning and then exhausted, give in for an afternoon nap. Maybe she's just stubborn. I don't know... help?
I am a firm cry it out mama. We never had to with E but with B it took 2 nights and he went from getting up twice to sleeping through the night. He still does. Sarah- I would pick a time for the morning nap (say 830 -or find out what time daycare does) and just put her in her crib for 45 minutes. If she cries, plays, sleeps, whatever...she knows and you know that is the routine. I would do the same in the afternoon. For early morning wakings I just let my kids stay in their cribs till a set time (usually 7). That way I know how much sleep I am going to get and then learn to go back to sleep or entertain themselves in the morning. We do have quite a bit of singing in the morning at our house.
ReplyDeleteOf course I go in if they are sick or something else crazy is going on. I find that I do much better and they do much better when we both know what to expect.
For your situation I think you are doing the right thing not sharing a bed with Gemma. As romantic and wonderful as it sounds for your family it just isn't a fit! Abe sleeps light and wouldn't get good sleep, you will never be in bed alone as a couple (no need to go into detail), and you work. She needs to learn how to sleep in her own crib for childcare (your mom or the house daycare) and if you ever want other children you won't be able to lay down at each naptime to put her down. You'd just be building some really hard sleeping habits that are hard to change later ( I know 3 families that still have their 8 year olds in bed with them because they can't get them to sleep on their own and are desperate).
E is 14 months and B is 2 1/2 and they both sleep in their own beds. When nursing E was in bed with me at night for 5-6 months so I could sleep during her feedings. Dirk slept awful and very often went to another bed but I did much better! It didn't matter for E one way or another she slept in her crib or our bed just fine.
Try something and stick with the exact same thing for at least 5 days. We know that Gemma is strong willed and wants her way (I also have kids like this) . You can do it Sarah. Think long term...it is worth it!
Hang in there girl, remember it's better to let Gemma cry in bed than to have a mom that is crabby or short-fused, or exhausted. She will get the best of who you are if you get your sleep too!
Love to both of you!
We have had nap issues in the beginning with all 3 of our kids. Just within the last few weeks I am starting to not get up at all with the girls. I was in their room 15 times between the 2 of them every night!!! IT WILL GET BETTER I PROMISE!!!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat I have always done (not saying it's easy) is put them down 1-2 hours after they wake up in the morning then 1-2 hours after they wake up from that nap. Then the span in between seems to get a little longer then before you know it (it seems like forever)they are on a schedule. I am currently going through this with the twins. Like this morning Izzy woke up at 7:30am so I feed her breakfast at 8:00 put her down for her 1st nap at 9:00. Then she woke up at 11:30 feed her lunch at noon then put her down for 2nd nap at 1:30 currently she is still sleeping. Hope that helps. My girls and Tristyn would both cry for awhile when I first put them down but it got shorter and shorter the more offen I did it.
It is hard to not get frustrated but this time is so precious and it is hard not to be or get upset with yourself but...you are learning also. Your next child will be different and it will be a learning game all over. What a ride!!!
I'm gonna make this short, but just wanted to comment on the craziness of Schyler's naps until he was 9 months old. He would NOT nap unless he was in his carseat, and would not fall asleep unless he was swung. He almost broke my mom's back (who did childcare for me). Once I was done with school for the summer, I said enough is enough. I let him cry it out for one nap and it was over. He finally napped in his crib.
ReplyDeleteI also am a believer in cry it out, even though I didn't think I was initially. Schyler was really stubborn, and cry it out didn't work for him at first. I definitely think the baby (and parent/s) need to be ready. He was down to waking up once in the middle of the night at about 6 months, and we gave it another shot. It took 2 nights and he still sleeps through the night (most nights). He's 10 1/2 months now. Honestly, I think that the routine is what makes everything work, and the fan :)
I am trying to post a comment - let's see if this works:)
ReplyDeleteEmily S. says: Ahhhhh, sleep........this is one of the hardest parts of being a parent. Just when things start to go the right way, teething starts or they get sick. All I can say is: it will get better!! I have a 10, 8 & 3 1/2 year old and they all sleep through the night - it is wonderful and it will happen to you too:) I have to agree with some of the other moms: we used white noise with all of the girls as babies and toddlers (older ones have grown out of it and 3 1/2 year still uses it). It really helps with my little one because she doesn't hear the older ones who stay up later. And, I also have to agree that a routine is the key as well:) Good luck & good night!
ReplyDeleteFirst let me express what I know to be true in my experience. Rigidity does not work for me or my children. I have to be flexible and adaptable. It took my husband saying to me, "Katherine is not Maria so do not expect what worked with her to work with Katherine." Ouch! So from that I had to realize that what worked yesterday might not work today for sleeping/napping or anything. I had to let go and trust that Katherine knew, in some sense, what she needed.
ReplyDeleteThis was hard for me because with Maria, it was just her so making her sleep a high priority was a much easier thing. I have actually been struggling with trying to be kind to myself and realize that I am doing the best that I can to help Katherine get the sleep she needs. It can be difficult with Maria's schedule and needs. I for a while thought that I could put the house on lockdown and make Katherine's sleep the number one priority. WRONG! Glad I let that idea go in a matter of 24 hours. It was unfair to expect Maria to go along with that idea. I was basically saying no, we cannot go to the park, Katherine has to sleep and I need you to be quiet, even though you've been pent up in the house. So, I again, let go and trusted that Katherine and I knew what we were doing.
I co-slept with Maria and am currently co-sleeping with Katherine. Maria and I breastfed for 15 months. She did not stay in our bed that entire time but I did not move Maria out of our room until she was 20 months old. I can almost hear the shock some of you are feeling right now! We did use the cry it out method to help her understand that she could in fact fall asleep on her own. It took one night (one hard night) and she understood. Yes, I know what you're are expecting, the horror story of moving her out of our room and into her own space. Unfortunately, I will not be writing that it was difficult in any way, shape or form. The transition was smooth, as smooth gets! Part of that was that we taught her that she could sleep on her own in her own crib. Yes, it was in our room but she learned that her crib was her space. She also slept at my parent's house during her naps, while I was going to school. In our case Maria learned to sleep with us, without us, in our bed, her bed, pack and play, our house, Grandma and Boppa's, lake cabin, in MN and now Iowa.
So now with Katherine, co-sleeping is going great. And we will continue until it does not work for her, my husband or myself.
In response to the whole co-sleeping thing, I think there are stories either way. I've heard of the families who have older kids unable to leave the parents room for years! Then again, the average age of transition out of the family bed in Japan (the typical way of sleeping there) is older than 8, I believe. I know friends who had their littles sleep with them until the kids were ready to transition out- for their oldest, it was around 5 and a half and an easy transition because she was "ready". Their youngest is almost 2 and still co-sleeping. That family does bed-sharing but co-sleeping can encompass many options; sidecar, crib in parents room, bed-sharing. The one that Abe and I did with Gemma for awhile involved her sleeping in her crib in her room for naps and in the beginning of the night and then coming in with us around 3 am. I think the key to any sleep strategy is having your husband on board. Abe actually loved having Gemma in with us. I think if she weren't such a wild sleeper- sheesh, I'm bruising just thinking about her head butts- then she would still be with us. But, there came a point when she wouldn't sleep well in our bed and that seemed to make the decision for us- once her sleep was not successful in one location, we moved her. We all have to parent from what we feel (that motherly intuition?) is best for us and our littles. What's so difficult for me, is that I really want to be right... not just right for me. Does that make any sense? As Heather and I were talking about sleep, she told me something that just made me laugh. I am concerned about the long term effects of lack of sleep on Gemma so I'm becoming really anxious about her naps. Heather just said (jokingly of course) that if Gemma's schooling is all messed up because of her lack of sleep when she gets to Kindergarten, I can just blame Gemma because I did "TRY EVERYTHING!" I'm just doing the best that I can and to me, sometimes that feels like settling. So, I'll keep plugging away, putting her down at certain times and then just waiting it out. I bet she'll sleep like a champ at daycare- that's usually how it is, huh?
ReplyDeleteThis is Becky....
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I never considered a scheduled naptime. Truly never thought of it - figured naps were like nursing or diaper changing... “on demand”.
From Day 1 at home, I laid him down in the bassinette or swing when he was sleepy and I’d lay nearby on the couch, or bed, or floor...wherever was close to him. I was PARANOID of being more than 3’ away from him for fear he’d suffocate or some other horrible thing you’re warned about. I didn’t sleep with him on my chest or in bed together for fear I’d drop him or roll over on him. I do it now occasionally, but he’s 10 months old.
Once he moved to his crib, he didn’t seem to notice the difference of being in a bigger space. However, he slept in his carseat or bouncy chair from about 3-6 months due to having a non-stop cold and congestion. Again, I was paranoid he was going to choke on his phlegm. I was really worried he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep laying flat after that, but he did fine.
I don’t think he can have a routine nap time at a busy daycare center. They can’t possibly get him down at the same time and it wouldn’t be fair to the other babies trying to sleep to have a screaming baby with them in the crib room.
We have a definite routine at night – bottle around 9:15 in his room with the lights off and quiet. Oh yes, and there’s a fan. I read it helped prevent SIDS, which has a higher occurrence in boys, so I jumped on that white noise train! Some nights there’s a bath before or some books, other nights nothing but the bottle. When he’s done eating, we lay him in his crib with his “lovey” and that’s it. He hasn’t used a Nuk for months. Sometimes he whines, but it typically doesn’t last long and I just keep an eye on him in the monitor. If he’s getting too upset, I’ll go in there, but I do NOT say a word. Just lay him down again, give him his lovey or take him out and rock him for 2 minutes then put him back. I’ve NEVER had a sleepless night of rocking or bouncing half the night away. I don’t believe in crying it out, but then again I’ve never had to use it so easy for me to say eh! I couldn’t stand it if I had to.
Sarah, the only advice I can offer is what has worked for us. Her napping may vary – I figure some nights I have a better rest than others so why should Nolan be any different? Maybe he doesn’t need a nap at 9:00, but needs it at 10:15 instead. I let him tell me when he’s ready. Does Gemma have a lovey or little blanket? It seems even more important to Nolan now that he’s getting so many teeth. He likes to chew on it. Maybe her nap will happen during a stroller ride, in the carseat on the way to get groceries, on Abe’s chest, or in your arms in the rocking chair. Yesterday I went shopping and he got 2 brief naps in his carseat. He ended up taking a nap from 4-6:30!!! I still gave him his bottle at 9:15 and it was a normal night.
I’m able to type this because Nolan’s napping. He started getting fussy and I figured he was due for a bottle. So I let him feed himself (he holds the bottle himself – taught by daycare), then when he was almost done, I brought him upstairs to him room and finished feeding him in the rocking chair (he fell asleep in my arms). Laid him down in the crib with his lovey and he’s out. Yes, sometimes I help get him to sleep with a few minutes of rocking, but what’s a couple minutes holding my baby close?
You notice I don't mention my husband-he does what I set as a routine and never gets up with him (doesn't hear him) so it's up to me. He's in a band and is rarely around on weekends so it's all me...
Reading these posts, I realize just how lucky we are with Nolan! The gals at daycare tell me he’s one of the best babies they’ve ever had and wish the other babies could be like him. WOW, what a compliment!! Was it parenting, good genes or just plain luck – who knows. But I do know I’ll start off doing the same things with baby #2 and see how it goes...
I am a BIG fan of sleep. I also am completely dependent upon routines. I'm very Type A. That said, I've grown a lot as a mom (and with the help of some meds :) ) in terms of adapting my sleep to the kids'. They are 4 and 2 now, and sleep well, but let's be honest, if they go to bed at a reasonable hour, they're awake at an ungodly hour. I had to change my sleep (like go to bed at 9pm) in order to get all the sleep I needed. Luckily, Lucy is old enough now that I can ignore her for a bit when she wakes at 6am, but if I wait too long, she'll get out of bed and start pounding on her door. :) I think, as parents, we won't sleep again regularly until our kids are, like, 15. P.S. I. Am. So. Tired.
ReplyDeleteGlad to see I'm not the only one who goes to bed at 9:00 p.m.! or who "ignores" the children. Not that I ignore them, but when they are in there chatting to each other at 6:30 and I'm trying to brush my teeth and get some semblance of an outfit on while scarfing down a bowl of Cheerios, I let them chatter. They aren't in pain or danger or upset to stay in their room for 1/2 hour awake but happy. I often do this for naps, too.
ReplyDeleteFor me, schedule = sanity. I cannot imagine how unorganized and harder my life would be without knowing the babies go down for a nap at 9:30 and will wake up at 11:30. And then they go back down at 2:30 and are up about 4:00. Those 3.5 hours during the day give me peace, relaxation, and regrouping time. My biggest fear in life is one will nap and the other won't and one baby will constantly be up. So I forced naps on them. They handled a baby-led, mommy-forced schedule great. Hope they keep it up!
When I asked my sister in law (who has a 2 year old) about nap schedules and such, she said she let the daycare figure that out and she just did at home on the weekends what they did during the week at daycare. That made me REALLY jealous that she didn't have to do the hard work of sleep training and got to reap the benefits!
Yeah, I'm also tired a lot of the time. But it's a good tired. I feel accomplished during the day. And Lord knows I look forward to 7:45 when they are both asleep and I can indulge in my tiny bowl of ice cream and "House Hunters" while sitting on the couch with Hubs.
First, totally agree with the Moms on the Cry It Out. Liv, our oldest, was an AMAZING sleeper. 11 weeks, she started sleeping thru the night and with a few exceptions with teething and traveling, she always did well. I was always sad and shocked for parents of kids older than, say, 3 months, who's kids weren't sleeping 12 hours a night.
ReplyDeleteThat was, until I had Avery. She's an amazingly happy, easy-going baby.... during day-light hours. She HAD started SSTN at 9 weeks and I thought "I am an amazing mother!" But then, growing, teething, or who knows what has thrown her world off. We have done baby boot camp more than once - and with Liv and Avery in the same room, it has presented a challenge, and I know we'll get there. I don't mind letting her fuss and figure it out. I raised one independent little girl, I'm sure I can do it again!
I write all of this through swollen, sleepy eyes and it's only 8:20.
Jen here...
ReplyDeleteEverett was a very easy baby when it came to sleep. As a newborn he ate and slept great... sleeping through the night around 3 months or so and lots of naps. Now, nearly 2.5 years later I think I can count on 1 hand how many times I've ever gone into his room during the night. I never worry when he goes down for the night if we're going to make it to morning. I know that's very lucky. We did do a little cry it out to get him to drop the middle of the night feeding and a few times when he was crabby falling asleep. We'd put him down and then go outside or not turn on the monitor for awhile so we didn't have to hear him cry. Once down, we can pretty much do whatever and not worry about disturbing him... and I mean like hammering into his shared bedroom wall!
There have been a lot of nap troubles as he got older though. He always like the morning nap best. Most days it was anywhere from 1-2 hours after he woke up and he'd sleep for at least 1.5 hours. He dropped it around 15 months and I feel like we never got the afternoon nap worked out. I'm extremely lucky to get 2 hours out of him. Many days it's closer to an hour. He also goes through periods of zero nap. Over the past couple years we tried set schedules, flexible schedules, cry it out, busy days, quiet days, early naptime, late naptime, etc. and what works for awhile usually doesn't last. For the most part he actually does pretty well without the nap... I think it's me that wants it the most! I pretty much always keep him in his room for at least an hour. People are always amazed when we'll get together in the afternoon and I say that he didn't nap. He's just as busy and playful as ever... although he can get a bit whiny and he's often ready for bed earlier.
Grant has been a new sleep challenge. So far he has these huge awake periods and then huge naps during the day. He's like a 1 year old! At night he just wants me to hold him. He sleeps in a bassinet in his nursery (which is what we did with E). He'll eat and then when I try to put him down he cries and cries. He's too young to cry it out (although I'll be ready as soon as he's older) so I just keep holding him in the chair. He immediately calms down and drifts into a light sleep... until I move him to the bassinet. I've tried a few different swaddle things we have, bought every pacifier brand in the store, we have a womb sound machine thing, etc. I'm not really getting any sleep right now... maybe a few hours total if you add up the last 3 nights. I'm too scared to bring him into our room... I would not be able to sleep with him in the bed plus we have a dog between us. E still has never been in bed with us... even to cuddle. He just never liked it or wanted to. The whole breastfeeding in bed thing doesn't work for me... I can't get comfy, milk dripping everywhere in the sheets and my boobs smothering poor baby's face made for a too stressful experience. So... I'm hoping this is just a phase for G and we can get some nighttime sleep soon. I feel like he already has so many bad habits that we didn't have with E but I know every kid is different so we'll just have to go with the flow and try to break him of everything with time... he is only a couple weeks old!
I know that having a video monitor has been my life-saver... especially with non-napping times. I can leave E in his room and just watch him knowing that he's not really in any trouble.
Well, E's naptime is over so I gotta run!
I am late on the posting but so grateful for the topic. Little Ada is not sleeping through the night and I keep crossing my fingers and hoping she magically she will. All the postings are making me realize that maybe it is time... Time to let my sweet baby girl cry and realize I am not hurting her or abandoning her by doing it... It is so hard though. I think I need a mantra I can repeat over and over to make it okay for ME!
ReplyDeleteAda's mommy, have the courage to follow your heart and instincts. There is a reason that it is excruciating for mothers to listen to their babies cry - because we are meant to respond to their needs. Consistently responding to a babies needs helps them to form the view that the world is a good place, their needs matter and that they can trust their carers (you!) to help them when they're in need. (And need doesn't just mean being hungry - being lonely or scared and needing comfort or company is a genuine need too). Babies can't understand why parents "clock off" at bedtime. Yes, they do learn to stop crying at those times... because no-one ever comes. That doesn't mean that the underlying needs are gone, just that they have given up expressing them because they have learnt to give up.
ReplyDeleteOur society is very good at encouraging mothers to ignore their babies needs. For anyone who has taken the CIO route I understand that there is a great amount of "encouragement" and advice (and even pressure) that helps you to undertake such a difficult, heartbreaking path. If you don't feel like CIO is for you and your baby, then don't be afraid to seek out support for your choices! There are plenty of mothers who do not walk the CIO path and give lots of support to each other via forums, playgroups, etc. And there is plenty of research that strongly advises against leaving babies to cry unattended - read it and fortify yourself!
There is oodles of research in the
My kids have always been good sleepers. We definitely read various books, and I love the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) website which outlines minimums of sleep by age. We did a modified "Baby Wise" when they were babies to help regulate sleep/wake cycles. I call it modified, because they were breastfed and if they seemed hungry, especially towards the end of the day, I would feed them instead of waiting the 3 hours as Baby Wise recommends. Both my kids had a little bit of colic from about 1 month to 3-4 months, and just wanted to be strapped to me (Sam in the Bjorn looking out, Elin in a sling with her little head close to my heart) and we walked while I cooked dinner or cleaned up or whatever. Also, I wouldn't let them fall asleep on the boob... would wake them to get a good, full belly by changing their diaper usually and then getting them to eat a bit more. I tried not to put them down for bed asleep, just drowsy and ready for bed. This way they developed some self-soothing abilities, even as newborns.
ReplyDeleteAs babies, once they were about 3 months and weighed enough not to have nighttime feedings, if they cried during the night for an extended period (more than a few minutes for me), I would go in to comfort them. I would talk to them, put their blanket on, but tried not to pick them up (or feed them).
As they got older (over 1yo), we have more of a daily routine on the days we are home together. They are usually down for a nap by 1pm. Neither naps very well at their school 2 days/week, they are just too excited. At night, we have a bedtime routine (bath, books, prayers, bed) and they are down by 730 or 8pm. Sam is usually up by 7, Elin closer to 8.
Love blackout shades and white noise machines too!